IS STEPHEN REALLY READY?

When Stephen gave me a call, I was eager to meet him because I was so sure he was ready to get married like yesterday. We finally met, and I tell you that he is the kind of guy a woman may want if we marry by outward appearance alone. He is a lawyer and works in Marina, Lagos, Nigeria. I have introduced him to the first three dates promised and he keeps saying he does not want to have anything to do with the ladies. The first lady, he never gave a chance beyond phone calls because she didn't sound exciting, and another he said was big, but loved to talking to her on phone, before they finally met. For another lady, I wouldn't know what had happened between them, because she kept on asking me what he told me that she did to him for him to have treated her the way he did. I have tried the best I could to make sure that I get him a woman to marry, but my best is not good enough, at least, not yet. He is thirty-eight years old and most of his friends are married, but that’s not why he is looking for a bride. He is looking for one because he really wants to settle down once and for all.



Personally, I see a problem here, and that’s the same problem I notice with a lot of men, but not only men this time around, women too. The problem is, too many people want to marry a Standard rather than a Person. My male client in spotlight for example wants a slim lady, fair in complexion, and corporate. Is that impossible to find? Nope! But why has he looked for that up until now? Where does he see himself in the next ten years from now? What will a lady that looks like a model bring his way? Maybe a special kind of happiness? Some good business deal? Packagings for the marriage that will make it last happily ever after? What exactly is a lepa girl going to bring his way? Well, I am just sharing some of the thoughts/questions that go through my mind sometimes in situations like this. I wonder where people get their standards from when it comes to marriage. Is it from the movies? Magazines? Novels they read? Or from Mentors, because I know a Church where a Pastor got married to a mixed breed, and straight away, every other guy in the congregation started looking for mixed breed to marry. I thought that was ridiculous. It was later said that in one of his Sunday sermons that this Pastor declared openly that the only lady that he might not be able to stand naked is Beyonce Knowles, and that he was sure to fall into sin if they were left alone together. Now that leaves me with the question: Is Beyonce a person to him, or just a body. Did he marry his mixed breed wife for sex or for a cordial relationship that transcends sex? He has his reasons for his choice of mixed breed I'm sure, but for his members, who also ran after mixed breed, I wonder what their reasons are.



For me, I am confronted daily with men who keep asking for a slim lady, and when you meet some of their mothers or sisters, you will realize that slim is actually foreign in their family. Could it be for the reason of people sometimes longing for what they never had? Well in this case, I don’t think so. I believe in my research it has more to do with people not wanting to think for themselves or be original. I believe it has to do with going for what seems to be in vogue. ‘See me see trouble” that means if "lepa" seems to be what is in vogue, then everyone thinks in one direction, which is all “I want now is a "lepa" wife”, even if she will not be compatible with me, even if she will not bring me happiness, even if I may never get to understand her or see eye to eye with her at regarding matters at home, I just want a "lepa" woman because she will earn me acceptance in the society, just like the type of phone I use, or car I ride, or house I live in, can earn me respect. So then most of our decisions may not be personal after all, but another way of earning respect in the society. I believe those of us who think this way, may need to repent of our ignorance. Finding a marriage partner is not about what is in vogue, but about a person who can compliment your strengths with her own strengths. She is not out to complement your weaknesses [like your inferiority complex], but your strengths, and if you haven’t found out what your strengths are, then don’t look for a scapegoat that you can leech on. You don’t deal with a weakness by correcting a weakness. You deal with a weakness by balancing your strengths for our weaknesses come from our overused strengths. Whenever we overuse our strength, it becomes a weakness. If I am submissive to authority, then that’s strength, but if I submit to a point that I become subservient, then I become not a follower, but a follow, follow. Do you get my drift? Where did you get your standard for a marriage partner?

ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY? BOOK A SESSION WITH THE BLUNT CRAZY LOVE DOCTOR DANIEL AKPATA CALL NOW 08023810372 FOLLOW ON TWITTER @danielakpata

LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT. WHY RELATIONSHIP:UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION.