ADVICE FOR LOVE TRIANGLES.

Remember this movie,the two guys and the lady are a perfect example of a love triangle. I hear a lot of these stories and so many questions and confusion in the minds of people and how to cope...HERE'S HELP!

What is LOVE TRIANGLE? When two people both love a third person, and that third often loves them both. The object of their love may be conflicted as to whom he/she wants, and generally nobody emerges from these very happy. Love Triangles, as it is widely agreed, really suck.

The old adage “two's company, three's a crowd” describes the problem with a love triangle. When three people are involved in a love affair, at least one will get hurt. Despite the best intentions of the participants, there are times when love triangles appear, leaving the individual at the hub of the triangle the unenviable task of making a life-changing decision. If you are currently a member in a love triangle, consider your resolution options carefully.

Pain-Inducing Dilemma

Almost inevitably, at least one member of a love triangle will be hurt. While there is nothing you can do in the midst of a love triangle to prevent this anguish, you should try to remain cognizant of the other individuals' feelings at all times. Remaining as upfront and honest as you can about the situation may make the eventual emotional pain burn a little less.

Bow Out

When in the midst of a love triangle, you can always elect to bow out gracefully. By exiting the triangle gracefully, you may ultimately save yourself some heartache and reduce the drama. When faced with a complex love triangle, try to avoid becoming competitive and allowing your drive to win to draw you to engage in battle. Step back and think about the benefits of backing out because this option may be the most advantageous one to select.

Let the Dust Settle

You can avoid the development of a love triangle by keeping your passions at bay. If you find yourself developing affectionate feelings toward a friend's partner, don't act on these ideas as soon as they come up. Instead, wait and see what happens with your friend's relationship. If the couple does eventually split, don't jump on the newly single partner like a cheetah on an injured gazelle. Instead, allow the dust to settle and let some time lapse. If you still feel the same after several months, consider calling up the friend's old fling and setting up a date. To ensure that no feelings are hurt, discuss your intentions with your friend and seek her blessing.

Weigh the Options

Love triangles are often emotionally charged. To determine the best course of action for you when faced with a love triangle, try to separate yourself from your emotions and weigh your options as well as you can. To help quantify your emotions, create lists of the merits of the individuals on each side of your triangle. Look at the lists as objectively as you can to determine the best course of action. Once you have made a decision, don't waver. Back-stepping on your well-formed decision doesn't help anyone.

Rebuild the Trust

Trust is often damaged, or even completely lost, in a love triangle. When dealing with the aftermath of one of these situations, consider the fact that rebuilding trust is not something that can be done overnight. As the "Psychology Today" website reports, rebuilding trust takes time. Don't push your partner to trust you again. Instead, tell him that you understand his mistrust and that you will work to regain the trust and rebuild your shattered relationship. This pronouncement shows your commitment to the union and may help your partner learn to trust you again more quickly.

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LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT. WHY RELATIONSHIP:UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION.

14 WAYS YOU KNOW IT'S LOVE---Real Love.

Most people are confused about the word LOVE because they have a messed up definition of what LOVE is all about e.g. Love is the feeling you feel when you feel the feeling you are feeling is a feeling you've never felt before! I beg to disagree that love isn't about just feelings. From having spoken to a lot of people who have struggled through finding LOVE, I've come to the realization that LOVE IS’NT PERFECT, IT ISN'T A FAIRY TALE OR A STORY BOOK AND IT DOESN'T ALWAYS COME EASY. LOVE IS OVERCOMING OBSTACLES, FACING CHALLENGES, FIGHTING TO BE TOGETHER, HOLDING ON AND NEVER LETTING GO. LOVE IS WORK, BUT MOST OF ALL, LOVE IS REALIZING THAT EVERY HOUR, EVERY MINUTE,EVERY SECOND OF IT WAS WORTH IT BECAUSE YOU DID IT TOGETHER!
It’s mandatory you know about yourself, who you are, what your purpose is and have an adequate plan on how to get what you want, this will enable you establish a right relationship because LOVE IS NOT ABOUT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON BUT CREATING A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP.ITS NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH LOVE YOU HAVE IN THE BEGINNING BUT HOW MUCH LOVE YOU BUILD TILL THE END.
Here are 14 ways to know its love—Real Love.
1. You feel compelled to be loyal.
2. You think of ways you will love them more than you think of the ways you hope they will love you.
3. You start compromising on things you thought you wouldn't.
4. You’re happy when they are, because they are.
5. There is a sense of peace and ease that comes with the thought of them.
6. You feel challenged to be better.
7. You allow yourself to be vulnerable because you feel accepted unconditionally.
8. All of a sudden, you understand why so many people settle down.
9. You have a new-found understanding of and appreciation for your previously detrimental failed attempts at love.
10. Every part of this person enamors you. This is especially true in the beginning.
11. You keep coming back, no matter how hard it gets (and it will get hard).

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LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT. WHY RELATIONSHIP:UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIPS.

Anger management: 5 tips to tame your temper
Keeping your temper in check can be challenging. Use simple anger management tips — from taking a time-out to using "I" statements — to stay in control.

Do you find yourself fuming when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure go through the roof when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.

Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 5 anger management tips.

No. 1: Take a time-out

Counting to 10 isn't just for kids. Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply and count to 10. Slowing down can help defuse your temper. If necessary, take a break from the person or situation until your frustration subsides a bit.

No. 2: Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

No. 3: Get some exercise

Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favourite physical activities. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that can leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked out.

No. 4: Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

No. 5: Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything, and might only make it worse.

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LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT. WHY RELATIONSHIP:UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION.

STOP MASTURBATION NOW,BEFORE IT STOPS YOU!

Masturbation happens in every culture, across every period of history, and it's the way most adolescents discover what they enjoy before embarking on adult sexual relationships. However, if it's becoming an obsession that's infringing on other areas of your life, or you belong to a religion or philosophy that forbids masturbation, it's possible to curb the impulse. Here's how to muster the self-discipline and master your urges.
Stop mentally punishing yourself. Consider it this way: if you're constantly dwelling on why you're a bad person for masturbating, you're essentially still thinking about masturbation all the time. Don't just trade in your masturbation addiction for a guilt addiction — they're so closely intertwined that you'd be asking for trouble. Instead, acknowledge that this has been a problem for you, but you're working on it.
Remember, you're human. Humans make mistakes, and they have sexual urges. Neither of these things makes you an inherently bad person. (If they did, though, you'd be in good company with over 90% of people on the planet.) Forgive yourself, and keep in mind that you are more than the sum of your slip-ups.
Resist the urge to sink into a pit of despair by remembering that time spent feeling sorry for yourself is time wasted, and minutes you could have put toward conquering your addiction.
2.
Remove anything that makes it easy for you to masturbate. If it's too easy for you to indulge, get rid of whatever is helping to make it possible. Some common enablers include:
Access to pornographic material: If you have a stash and you're serious about quitting masturbation, you'll have to get rid of all of it. Burn or shred paper, wipe your hard drive, and set up parental controls on your internet browser that block explicit content.
Sex toys: If you own any objects that exist for the sole purpose of masturbating, they'll have to go, too. Throw them into the garbage can you can find in your house (the kitchen's a good bet), and add something on top that will make the item irretrievable — like last month's leftovers.
Certain times of the day: If you have problems before going to bed or in the shower, isolate these times and find a way to make masturbation less appealing. For instance, if it's a problem late at night, drop to the floor and do push-ups until you're too exhausted to do anything but fall asleep. If you find shower time too tempting, start using ice cold water only — you won't want to be in there for long.
Boredom: If you have so little to do that your mind frequently wanders to sexual thoughts, it's time to add to your schedule. You'll find it gets easier to avoid masturbation if you're too busy or tired to spare any energy for distractions. (More on this in later steps.)
Loneliness: If you masturbate frequently because you feel terrible about being lonely, find ways to limit your solitary time. For instance, instead of watching the game at home by yourself, go watch it at a sports bar. Even if you're not hanging out with friends, you aren't alone, and your potential masturbation time is dramatically reduced.
3.
Find another outlet for your time and energy. Instead of staring at the wall, thinking about how you're not masturbating during the time that you'd otherwise spend indulging, fill your life with engaging new activities. The novelty and excitement of doing something different can help replace the euphoric rush of masturbating, and you'll have a go-to distraction next time you're tempted. Try some of these options:
Get creative. The process of turning sexual urges into creative output (called sublimation) is something Christian monks have relied upon for centuries. Start writing, learn to play a musical instrument, paint, draw, or do whatever else makes you feel like you're creating something beautiful.
Take up sports. It takes discipline and persistence to excel at a sport, just as those two qualities are also required for conquering your addiction. Develop your mastery of your body on two fronts by taking up a solitary activity like running or swimming, or a group sport like soccer, football, basketball, or tennis.
Eat more fruits and vegetables. Fruits and vegetables have a healing effect on the body and provide nutrients necessary to increase willpower and control urges.
Find a new hobby, or cultivate a skill. Learning something that takes awhile to master can refocus your brain on the delayed gratification of achieving goals, instead of the instant gratification of masturbation. Try skills like cooking, woodworking, archery, baking, public speaking, or gardening, for example.
Volunteer your time. Devote your energy to helping people who've been less fortunate than you, such as working at a shelter, tutoring low-income students, cleaning up blighted areas, or raising money for a good cause. You'll get an altruistic rush from easing the burdens of your fellow humans, and you'll have less available time to stray from your goals.
4.
Be persistent and patient. Stopping a masturbation addiction won't hit you like a lightning bolt out of the blue. It's a process that requires work and dedication, and you might make mistakes or relapse from time to time. The real struggle is rededicating yourself to your goal after you slip up, so commit now that you won't let temporary mistakes stand in your way.
Set up a reward system. Bribe yourself to stay on-track with rewards for good behaviour. For instance, if you can go two whole weeks without masturbating once, treat yourself to a small indulgence like a new game or an ice cream cone.
5.
Know when to seek help. If you've tried everything and just can't seem to get your addiction under control, it might be time to tell someone else about your problem and ask for assistance. Try not to feel too ashamed, and remember that many, many people have been where you are — you're not a bad or evil person. Seeking help is a brave action, and most people you ask will see it as such.
Ask your religious leader for guidance. If you belong to a church, consider asking your local clergy for help. Keep three things in mind: First, these people become part of the clergy because they're dedicated to helping their congregations; second, they've probably already assisted someone else with a masturbation addiction; and third, they're bound by strict confidentiality. Request a private appointment with your pastor, bishop, imam, rabbi, or other religious leader, and see if his or her advice can help you.
Make an appointment with a medical professional. Counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists are all trained to help people with varying levels of sex addiction. Start by seeing a therapist in your area, who can assess your addiction and refer you to more specialized help if necessary. Several treatment options are available, from cognitive-behaviour therapy to medication.
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LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT. WHY RELATIONSHIP:UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION.

IS STEPHEN REALLY READY?

When Stephen gave me a call, I was eager to meet him because I was so sure he was ready to get married like yesterday. We finally met, and I tell you that he is the kind of guy a woman may want if we marry by outward appearance alone. He is a lawyer and works in Marina, Lagos, Nigeria. I have introduced him to the first three dates promised and he keeps saying he does not want to have anything to do with the ladies. The first lady, he never gave a chance beyond phone calls because she didn't sound exciting, and another he said was big, but loved to talking to her on phone, before they finally met. For another lady, I wouldn't know what had happened between them, because she kept on asking me what he told me that she did to him for him to have treated her the way he did. I have tried the best I could to make sure that I get him a woman to marry, but my best is not good enough, at least, not yet. He is thirty-eight years old and most of his friends are married, but that’s not why he is looking for a bride. He is looking for one because he really wants to settle down once and for all.



Personally, I see a problem here, and that’s the same problem I notice with a lot of men, but not only men this time around, women too. The problem is, too many people want to marry a Standard rather than a Person. My male client in spotlight for example wants a slim lady, fair in complexion, and corporate. Is that impossible to find? Nope! But why has he looked for that up until now? Where does he see himself in the next ten years from now? What will a lady that looks like a model bring his way? Maybe a special kind of happiness? Some good business deal? Packagings for the marriage that will make it last happily ever after? What exactly is a lepa girl going to bring his way? Well, I am just sharing some of the thoughts/questions that go through my mind sometimes in situations like this. I wonder where people get their standards from when it comes to marriage. Is it from the movies? Magazines? Novels they read? Or from Mentors, because I know a Church where a Pastor got married to a mixed breed, and straight away, every other guy in the congregation started looking for mixed breed to marry. I thought that was ridiculous. It was later said that in one of his Sunday sermons that this Pastor declared openly that the only lady that he might not be able to stand naked is Beyonce Knowles, and that he was sure to fall into sin if they were left alone together. Now that leaves me with the question: Is Beyonce a person to him, or just a body. Did he marry his mixed breed wife for sex or for a cordial relationship that transcends sex? He has his reasons for his choice of mixed breed I'm sure, but for his members, who also ran after mixed breed, I wonder what their reasons are.



For me, I am confronted daily with men who keep asking for a slim lady, and when you meet some of their mothers or sisters, you will realize that slim is actually foreign in their family. Could it be for the reason of people sometimes longing for what they never had? Well in this case, I don’t think so. I believe in my research it has more to do with people not wanting to think for themselves or be original. I believe it has to do with going for what seems to be in vogue. ‘See me see trouble” that means if "lepa" seems to be what is in vogue, then everyone thinks in one direction, which is all “I want now is a "lepa" wife”, even if she will not be compatible with me, even if she will not bring me happiness, even if I may never get to understand her or see eye to eye with her at regarding matters at home, I just want a "lepa" woman because she will earn me acceptance in the society, just like the type of phone I use, or car I ride, or house I live in, can earn me respect. So then most of our decisions may not be personal after all, but another way of earning respect in the society. I believe those of us who think this way, may need to repent of our ignorance. Finding a marriage partner is not about what is in vogue, but about a person who can compliment your strengths with her own strengths. She is not out to complement your weaknesses [like your inferiority complex], but your strengths, and if you haven’t found out what your strengths are, then don’t look for a scapegoat that you can leech on. You don’t deal with a weakness by correcting a weakness. You deal with a weakness by balancing your strengths for our weaknesses come from our overused strengths. Whenever we overuse our strength, it becomes a weakness. If I am submissive to authority, then that’s strength, but if I submit to a point that I become subservient, then I become not a follower, but a follow, follow. Do you get my drift? Where did you get your standard for a marriage partner?

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LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT. WHY RELATIONSHIP:UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

It was October that year. I was barely 27, earning some of the best salaries on earth. Glo just launched their network and I was privileged to be on the Creative team at Bates. We also just discovered the now famous PSQUARE through our Benson & Hedges Talent show. The MD called me for a chat and I didn't see it coming. Mr Onabolu's style. As- a -matter -of -fact- kind -of - talk. 

'I just saw your wedding invitation' he said 
'Yes Boss... and I hope I could make use of your car' I said
'That's not a problem or shouldn't be but...'
'But what on earth is the but?' I quipped 
'Why getting married at such a tender age?' he asked
'Like, why are you asking Sir? Anything the problem?'
'No issue my guy... just that you really don't have to get married. It's not everyone that should. You should enjoy your life. Travel. Study. And if it's to have children, you don't have to get married to have one, you know'

I stared at his reflection cast on his chinaware, avoiding a direct eye contact with him. I thought he was such an evil Mentor and I really hated him. Yea, I did. Marriage has been touted as the next best thing for any man or woman growing into their prime, and I though Mr Onabolu, of all people, should know better. 

The following week, I was waiting for the bride, getting ready to say 'I DO'. The music was loud. The families were happy to show off their dresses. The foods were plenty. There in Mr Onabolu's car, I thought about all he had said . Something inside of me knew he was right but my religious and traditional self would go all the way to please the families and the church. The church never forced me but our 'Singles and Married' programs had formed an opinion in me; that singles have got to get married to be honourable  Right there in the midst of the pomps and glitz , I did. Yea, I said it. 

It's been many years after, and I'm single again. She was a beautiful woman and I think I was a great man and we still are. My ex is still the most honourable woman I have ever met. Nothing absolutely was wrong with either of us.

However, I'd love to tell Mr Onabolu that he was right after all. Marriage is not for everyone. If you are in it and it's working for you, you'd better stay there because it's a beautiful thing. If you're not and you are planning to do so, you'd better check the motive. Are you getting married because everyone around you is? Are you doing it because it's a traditional thing to do? Are you well prepared to handle all that comes with it? And let me tell you one lie: it's not hard staying married. You shall live happily ever after. 

We now know better. Marriage is a good thing to do but it is definitely not for everyone. Oprah has been with Stedman Graham since 1986, and they are not married. Yet, they live happily ever after. Brad Pitt has been with Angelina Jolie for over 9 years and they are living happily ever after. In the same vein, there are married couples who have been together since forever and living happily ever after. It's high time we deconstructed the notion of getting married as husband and wife. Some women are better as your friends for life. Don't force marriage into it. Some men will always be there for you but marriage may damage the good thing going on between you both. I'd like to leave you with the words I once loathed. From a sincere boss to a traditional me. Here's what he said:

...you really don't have to get married to live. It's not everyone that should. You should enjoy your life. Travel. Study. Live. And if it's to have children, you don't have to get married to have one, you know'...

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LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT. WHY RELATIONSHIP:UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION.

PRIOR PROPER PREPARATION PREVENTS POOR PERFORMANCE!

I am very much convinced that a lot of people want to get married, but what I am not certain about is if they really want to prepare for it. It is true that a lot of single people out there are looking for eligible partners for marriage, but the question is how many people are ready to make themselves the right man or the right woman for marriage?

Preparation for marriage means getting yourself ready in so many ways to share your life with another, and if you have chosen to share your life with another, then you better make sure that the quality of life you want to share is worth it at the end of the day. Talking about quality of life, you may want to ask yourself how sound you are Spiritually (and by that I am not talking about the fact that you belong to a place of worship alone, but that you have a personal conviction that God exist and that He is a re warder of those that diligently seek Him), Emotionally (meaning you feel good about yourself and can handle without breaking down, how others feel about you without taking things out of balance) Psychologically (your thoughts are not out of balance. Your perceptions of things around you are in order. There is no dysfunctional properties in your life that will always make it difficult for you to adjust properly to your work, personal life, significant others in your life, money etc, Financially (you have acquired skills in life that is able to make you add value to others who in turn pay you for a job well done, and you are able to budget, prioritize your needs so you spend appropriately based on values and not greed, invest and watch your money work for you instead of you always working for your money) Intellectually (you have the capacity to acquire information that will be useful for your continuous development in every area of your life without your mind being crowded with worrisome thoughts etc.

If you make yourself the right person instead of always looking for the right person, you will find out that half of your problem in preparing and seeking for a life partner is well solved. Now the major thing in preparation is you must be a person of Truth, for without truth, we can never, and I mean never start the journey of love. For you need Truth to make way for Trust, without which there can never be growth in a relationship. People that can’t trust each other can’t grow together and what’s the point being in a relationship either marital or premarital and both of you can’t grow together? And people who don’t trust each other can’t have Respect for each other, so tell me how I can put you into consideration if I don’t respect you. As I see you as a person who is truthful, and I find out I can always trust you, I start to have a measure of respect for you that makes me to like you enough to be in Love with you, and at this point, I can share anything and everything with you, which brings me to the level of Intimacy. People think when they have sex with someone, they have become intimate with that person they slept with, but that is a big lie that we must not continue to buy. I can get very intimate with you by sharing truth with you, learning to have you trust me as I also trust you because you also tell me the truth which encourages my respect for your person to grow as I also position my person as a trustworthy person also worthy of respect. At this time if you look at me and say “I love you”, I don’t think you are a joker, I know you know what you are talking about, and if I say I love you too, then deep down me, I know that I know what I am talking about and not just saying it because it is the right thing to say since we are in a romantic relationship.

Today, I can tell you that a lot of us have so much work to do on and with ourselves. Most of us are not truthful to ourselves. We are so comfortable lying about who we are, what we should be doing, who we should be that when we start lying to others we may not even know we are lying anymore and that is even more dangerous. I have lied to myself so much that I don’t even know when I am lying to someone else anymore. And that is what a lot of us are experiencing in relationships right now. Someone comes to me and says “LOVE DOCTOR", I just found out that everything he told me about himself was a lie”. Then you ask how long she has been with him and she says for 3 years, and then you ask how come she didn't know, and she tells you because he naturally lives a lie that he doesn't even know when he is lying anymore, because it comes naturally with him. Now, such a person needs help, and that person can be you or me. Let’s consider our ways.

Someone else comes and says” in fact LOVE DOCTOR, he is everything I have ever wanted in a man. He is strong, and can control me, he makes decisions for us and I like that in a man, he is able to tell me off when I am wrong, he creates opportunities for me, and helps me to look into the future, I just thank God I found him”. My dear girl, you are such a liar that you don’t even know when you are lying to yourself anymore. This man you are talking about is married and has a wife and family at home. He lives in the company of his wife, so why do you want to crowd up their lives? Haven’t heard that two is a company and three is a crowd. Alright keep deceiving yourself until the rain is gone and then maybe you can see clearly then.

So what do we do as we chose to become the right person instead of always looking for the right person? Let’s start by considering our ways. Take some time out alone with yourself, seek for counseling not necessarily because something has gone wrong, but before something goes wrong, plan to attend a get-away that will help you spiritually, emotionally, psychologically etc 

ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY? BOOK A SESSION WITH THE BLUNT CRAZY LOVE DOCTOR DANIEL AKPATA CALL NOW 08023810372 FOLLOW ON TWITTER @danielakpata

LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT. WHY RELATIONSHIP:UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION.

LADIES PLEASE DO NOT MARRY DOWN!

I have observed that too many people are marrying down these days, and the consequences are devastating. Recently one of my Clients got married and I was there to witness the occasion. Every marriage will go through the challenge of growth, because the couple will have to learn to make a lot of negotiations at first, and as they grow together end up learning to compromise as they drop negotiating, because trust has been built over time. So the point is EVERY MARRIAGE will go through growth challenges. But you see some marriages will go through extra challenges that are probably uncalled for, and not just face consequences, but grave and devastating consequences that could have been avoided. But some people are stubborn and always want to prove a point. Everything they have done all their life so far is with the intention of proving a point. Such people brag that there is nothing they want in life that they have not gotten, unfortunately they have not learnt that there are some things they don’t need to want or have in life, because there are some things that you end up pursuing and eventually have in your life that will terminate your destiny, change the scripts of your life, and eventually destroy you.

When you attend certain weddings, you already know if it’s going to last or not. There are some weddings you attend where there is a lot of money being spent for the ceremony, but can as well consider it as a waste, because all the guests in attendant are all like peacocks, so full of themselves, waiting for who is going to greet who first, waiting to start a fight over the fact that their tables are not being served etc. Trust me, the couple in view may just not have a happy ending, because neither the Groom’s Family or Bride’s Family have enough moral standards to treat people right, and this new couple is an offshoot of such an unfortunate stock, they will end up not treating each other right as well.

There are also some weddings you attend where you know the whole thing was sponsored from just one side, and not from both. You will find one side gloriously dressed up, while the other side looks like people that have just come out from a poverty incubator. That side looks so wretched, so poor, so just not it, that even if the one side sponsoring the wedding has tried to dress up the parents of the poverty stricken side, it will still be very obvious that it just doesn’t fit. In such weddings, you will find out that the Bride’s side most especially is the one looking very good, and also fully in charge. If you are observant you will soon find out that they are the ones in charge of food, and the distribution of gifts, and sooner than later, the poverty stricken side will start to complain and to curse because they feel they are not been treated right, and that they were just been brought from their villages or slumps to be embarrassed, whereas they should have known that coming to such an occasion is also an invitation to embarrass themselves, because it’s a very natural thing for the rich to loathe the poverty stricken, because they don’t see the poverty stricken as a match for them, and since that occasion is not a “feed the hungry” program, the rich will most likely feed themselves first.

Now how did such an occasion arise in the first place? Well it’s most likely the daughter of the rich who met the son from the poverty stricken home, at work or from church, and was not told that love (Eros) is not enough. And despite the fact that this guy has always been borrowing money from her to meet up with his moral obligations in his father’s house, she still insisted that they should get married, not thinking about the fact that in this guy’s family, he is the only one who seems at that time to be making progress. You see if you come from a family where you are the only one making progress, instead of seeing yourself as the one God is using to bring wealth into that family or as the STAR of that family, I advise that you run as far as you can far away from that poverty stricken home, and take your time to grow in your relationship with God, learn how to listen to God speak, and do only the things that God commands you to do for that home, and nothing more, so that you are not lead by the enormous needs you find on ground, but by what God is specifically asking you to do for them, because that is the only thing God will multiply back to you. If you think because you have one ‘’tasere’’ job in an oil company, you have now become the ATM for that poverty stricken home; you will soon become an abandoned ATM full of dust and no longer visited by anyone. You see poverty is a Curse, and spending money on the accursed is not what solves the spiritual problem, it is God who alone has the power to turn around the situation of a generational foundation.

And so when a Client of mine went ahead and spent her money to sponsor her wedding, paying for everything, including the suit her Husband (who had no job) and Best Man wore, I knew her spending days were far from being over. I see more women marrying down these days because they are stubborn and will not listen to counsel, and some of them marry down because parent’s no longer investigate what kind of family their daughters will be going into because they just want them to get married. Look out for my article that tells you how men also marry down and ruin their destinies, and also what happens when you marry down and what can be done about it. Do you think you married down or about to marry down? Before you conclude on that, consult with THE ONLY TRUE LOVE DOCTOR. 08023810372 FOLLOW ON TWITTER @danielakpata

Evergreen Week For You!

It's a beautiful week! I wish you Love More Love and Love... And may all your blessings for this week be Evergreen.
So what are your plans?
Lets keep sharing our true life experiences.

FOR COUNSELLING AND HELP CALL 08023810372 TO BOOK A SESSION WITH A CERTIFIED RELATIONSHIP COACH. TO SEND YOUR OWN STORIES, PLEASE SEND TO danielakpata07@mail.com

PURPOSE AND RELATIONSHIP: UNDERSTANDING THE CONNECTIVITY!

What is the danger of living in the midst of so many people who don’t have purpose in life? They water down the quality of life. They exalt mediocrity over originality. They go for anything, and just everything. They never have eyes for anything of value, but rubbish it when they come in contact with one, because they don’t see any value in their own lives. You see without purpose, you can’t find your own place in life, and so anything presents a place to you and you take it. Yesterday you were at the Holy Ghost Congress, and today you are in a strip club, and tomorrow you plan to drive 300 km with a married friend of yours to check the girl he is dating on a campus, and I just wonder how long you want to continue to live like that.

Finding your purpose in life is the easiest thing in the world. It has been en-grafted in you by your Maker. Finding your purpose is like finding the word CHARGE, but then finding its “meaning” is a different ball game entirely, because the word “charge”, like some words, have different meanings. When you say “Charge like a bull”, it means something different from “Charge with a Crime” or “Charge a bill” or even “Be in Charge”, yet they all use the same word “CHARGE”. Now that word is like your purpose, easy to find, but for it to make sense enough to communicate and convey its message clearly, we must find its exact meaning for that occasion, and only God can show you the meaning of your own purpose in life, but not without a walk with Him. That’s why I wonder why so many people think this God thing is just a choice we make, whereas it is a choice WE MUST MAKE, which is, to be in relationship with him for our own good. I am not surprised the Bible says “The fool in his heart says there is no God”. No wonder some of us are just not progressive with our lives. Now remember that the fool does not say “in his behavior” that there is no God, but “in his heart”, meaning a person may go to church all the time, and yet still say in his or her heart that there is no God, and that becomes obvious when you know them by their fruits, and not by their talents. It’s very unfortunate though that what we are concerned about in church these days is more about people’s talents than their fruits, whereas Jesus makes it clear that we shall know them by the FRUITS they bear.

If after we are able to find our purpose, we now chose to find the meaning of our purpose in life so we can take our own place, then we must not only find God, but have a sincere heart walk with Him. Jeremiah 10:23 in the Bible says “O Lord [pleads Jeremiah in the name of the people], I know that the determination of the way of a man is not in himself; it is not in man, even in a strong man or in a man at his best to direct his [own] steps”. Meaning, have all the talents, intelligence, wisdom, etc in the world, without the Lord directing your steps, it is all useless.

Now for those of you who have come into the year without purpose,find it and leave the life of mediocrity alone. And for those of you who want to find meaning to the purpose you have found, find God, you will be surprised that He is closer to you than you ever know.

It’s more important you do this, because God has given everyone 24 hours a day here on earth, and if used well, you can use 8 hours or more for your Career everyday, 8 hours for Relationships which includes God, your Spouse, fiance  and loved ones, and the rest of the 8 hours for Rest. Now if you haven’t used your first 8 hours which is for Career and Work well, which also builds your sense of significance to an extent, how can you transit into the next 8 hours of the day meaningfully? You find so many people who don’t have anything meaningfully in form of an occupation doing in their lives, and yet they want to get busy with relationships. My dear you have no value to add to anyone’s life, but liabilities. Even being a Housewife is a Full Time Job, and if Housewives are paid for being Housewives for taking care of the home, building up the children, and laying a family structure that always stands strong in the future, they will be one of the richest people in the world today. You have got to have a J.O. B if you want to be with me. I always encourage people who want to get married to settle their career first, before marriage, because it works hand in hand. Your career can always add value to the quality of the Marriage you end up having. I wish you all well.

FOR COUNSELING AND HELP...SPEAK WITH A RELATIONSHIP COACH BOOK A SESSION Please call 08023810372 FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @danielakpata

SELF CONFIDENCE!

This write up will help you do some soul searching and look in the mirror. Perhaps if you are are continuing to have problems in your relationships (with friends, with family and with romantic interests) then maybe….just maybe… you should consider that the problem may be you:

“Self-confidence! What’s not to like about it? People call you arrogant. Know-it-all. Uppity. What do they know? They’re just people. Flawed, screwy people. They aren’t you. They don’t have those special, innate, poised things you have. And you have so many things.

So why is it you don’t have a man / a good job / many friends / the life you want? It can’t be YOU can it? With that face and brain? I mean, really. It’s rude for me even to suggest that. I immediately apologize. I’m so sorry. How could I even think such a thing?

Unless…just this one, rare, odd little time. It is you. And all that “confidence” is just an elaborate shell game of defense mechanisms because you don’t want people to know that on the inside your scared and hurt just like everyone else.

Sometimes it’s you, girl.

Let me break down why.

3) You say: “People leave me because they weren't strong enough to handle me.”

But, hey, what if you’re wrong? There’s just so much hurt and anger in what you just said.

People leave us sometimes. And that hurts. But I’m curious about why you added “they weren’t strong enough” on the end. That indicates that in your effort to rationalize why those you’ve loved have left you’ve chosen to lay it all on them, absolving yourself of any action on your part. And sometimes that’s the right thing to do. But if people are walking out because they aren’t “strong” enough, what extraordinary thing is going on about you where people need to emotionally bench press 350 lbs. of life baggage just to be close to you? Do you have a temper? Are you really needy? Are your abandonment issues so severe that you put unrealistic expectations on those around you?

If so, can I suggest therapy? Because if your anger/co-dependency/emotions are so strong that people rather run away than get to know you, you’re dealing with some serious hurt. And you should seek help.” If you are really serious and need HELP with coaching in your relationship CALL NOW!+234-708-775-1242 And book a coaching session.

HOW DO I TELL HER AM H.I.V POSITIVE

Hello THE ONLY TRUE BLUNT CRAZY LOVE DOCTOR! I've listened to you keenly for sometime now and i must say you are indeed a rare gem! I'm Chinedu a graduate of philosophy from U.N.N my days in school was always a jamboree,babes,wild parties and the after party with any baby you end up with.
I was what you'll call a PLAYER I was good at the act and enjoying every bit of it.
But after service year,i got a job in one of the new generation banks and it was in another level,bigger girls and more money to throw around...but then time was moving on and my parents were on my neck to come home with the lady i want to settle down with but for me i was still catching my fun...until I met Ifeoma...
Our meeting was very strange,i had intended to call one of my numerous girls and i missed the phone number by a digit and here was this very sweet voice talking with me and i couldn't resist her voice and i wanted to get to know more about her after discovering that she wasn't the one i originally wanted to call,but she'll have none of that and she dropped the call on me,I saw it as a challenge and kept calling but she won't pick up,then i sent her a text using one of my famous lines on her and she responded and the s.m.s continued for a while and then she agreed to see me.
We met and I discovered that she also works for one of the new generation banks as well after several dates we fell hopelessly in love with one another and I was surprised that I lost interest in any other lady,after a year of being together,i decided within me that she was the one i wanted to spend the rest of my life with seeing that she has captured my heart!
On the day of my proposal to Ifeoma,I got the bombshell of my life! After a lovely evening at sheraton,I went on one knee and with the ring in my hands i asked Ifeoma to be not just my wife but the mother of my unborn kids,partner and lover!
She didn't say a word to me she just said lets go!
We left and went to my apartment and there my world crashed right before my eyes by the story she told me.
Ifeoma,looked at me and laughed and said so you too want to now settle down after all your escapades! Well for your information this lady isn't ready for marriage and never will because I'm H.I.V positive no thanks to a rape date that i had,7 men gang raped me and I vowed within me that as many men that comes my way will share in this good news that has been committed into my life! So welcome to the club! For your information my boss and all the male colleagues at my branch are H.I.V positive because they can't think with their head because what is in between their legs is in control at all times.
After all that drama my mouth was still agaped, I could not alter a single word and I thought to myself so my world was finally coming to an end. She just looked at me and walked away.
Where will I start from? Its been Two years now and I tested positive to H.I.V, I've asked God for forgiveness and I know He has forgiven me. But the big comma in my life right now is I met a God fearing Lady who is everything a man would want for a wife and she deeply loves me and I love her too and for the past 6 months we have being together its has been clean, no sex or kisses just hugs. Do I TELL HER ABOUT MY PAST AND MY PRESENT STATUS. How will I tell her all this without losing her, thou I've heard of people with my kind of issue who are happily married with kids. Please I need your sincere advice am suffering in silence for a wayward life I lived. I want to get married and have kids like my brothers.
Please HELP ME!
Thank you Love doctor for this great opportunity to share my heart ache story, God bless you.

Chinedu from Ipaja.


FOR COUNSELLING AND HELP CALL 08023810372 TO BOOK A SESSION WITH A CERTIFIED RELATIONSHIP COACH. TO SEND YOUR OWN STORIES, PLEASE SEND TO danielakpata07@mail.com

Please HELP! I WANT TO KILL MY MOTHER!

 Dear friends ,

this is my true life story. i hate my mother and i feel like killing her, yes i hate her so much. Just before you start insulting me hear my story.
It all started when my mum got pregnant at the age of 20, according to what i heard her father was very poor and never had time for the family. When a rich family who have been childless
for ten years heard about her they offered to buy the baby from her and she foolishly agreed. In fact that was the beginning of suffering for me, at age 0-5 everything was OK, in fact they treated me as their own child. But when i clock five(5) my adopted mother became pregnant and every one felt it was as a result of my good luck. She later gave birth to two sons making us two girls and two boys. One would have thought i would be treated nicely but that wasn't the case. In fact that was when i was ignored most and i eventually became a slave in the house. At first i couldn't understand why my own mother would be so wicked to me until she eventually told me at age 15 that she wasn't my mother and that they bought me from my family that as far as she is concern i’m a slave and that she wil continue to treat me as such. On hearing this i ran to the kitchen and stabbed myself on the belly, #crying# my whole world fell down. I was rushed to the hospital and the doctors quickly saved me, when her husband came to the hospital he was heart broken in fact he started crying and for the first time he slapped his wife and ask her why she told me when they already agreed to tell me when i’m 18… This man has always been good to me both as a father and a friend, in fact he was the one that taught me mathematics when i was slow in learning it, i believe this was among the many reasons his wife hated me because i was her husbands favorite. So after i recovered from the hospital, things went back to normal and she started acting nice. But all hell broke loose when two years later my adopted father died in an auto-crash when coming from a business trip, by now i was 17 years and i just finished my secondary school, we were all devastated by the news, its wasn't a good period i must confess. After the burial my adopted mother became really wicked to me, all my hope of going to the university died. Sometimes i was made to stay for two days without eating, money wasn't the problem because my adopted dad left behind a lot of investment! There was this time that her brother came to stay with us and he molested me, i was still a virgin at that time. On that particular day just both of us were at home because my adopted mum travel with her children to the village for a family meeting. He forced his way into me and stole my pride as a woman…

After a year i realized that there was no future for me in that house, so i ran away in search for my biological mother. During this process i became homeless and i had to sleep on uncompleted houses in the bushes. I was defiled on many occasions by robbery gangs who came and met me sleeping in their hide out! On this fateful day, i met a young lady and i begged her to give me money to buy food, at first she ignored me but later told me to follow her. She took me to her house, bath me and cooked for me, after which she told me to relax that this is my new home as from that day. I was so happy and i couldn't believe there were still people with a good heart…

The following day she told me that instead of giving my body free for food ,that it was better i became a professional and make good money from it. That was when she told me that she is a prostitute and that she would love me to join her. I had no choice but to accept her offer… I prostituted for three good years,by this time i was living on my own in a well finished apartment because i was sleeping with politicians and they were paying well. My friend met a guy that changed her life and stopped her from prostituting, he is a wealthy guy and he also got married to her. On their wedding day i met this fair guy so who so funny, we stated dating and i told him about my past and what led to my prostituting. He felt sorry for me and told me that he loves me and that my past is a past tense. After two months her propose to me and i accepted, my friend parents accepted to act as my parents on the wedding day. My guy really showed me the love i deserved, he took me to New York for shopping and he promised to always love me.

When i came back into the country, my gate man told me that there was someone waiting for me who has refuse to leave the compound, so i told him to bring in the person. He came in with a woman, when i ask her who she was, do you know what she said “I’M YOUR BIOLOGICAL MOTHER” at this point i was filled both surprise,anger and hatred. She knelt down and started begging me to forgive her for selling me,that she was young and didn't know what else to do…

Please people tell me SHOULD I FORGIVE THIS WOMAN???

after all I’ve gone through i feel like killing her!

FOR COUNSELLING AND HELP CALL 08023810372 TO BOOK A SESSION WITH A CERTIFIED RELATIONSHIP COACH. TO SEND YOUR OWN STORIES,PLEASE SEND TO danielakpata07@mail.com

LADY JANE AND ANDREWS' STORY!

My Name is Jane,Andrew and I have been dating for a year now and our meeting was something that just happened out of the blues,he was trying to catch his dog at the beach,his dog got to where i was and stopped and the moment he saw me,he stopped dead on his tracks and we stared at ourselves for a while and the he said hello and the rest is history... From the beginning i made sure this relationship is defined and we know where we are headed because at 32yrs old,i can't be fooling around any more and i was really relieved when Andrew 36yrs old is seeing things my way and willing to work thing,seriously i was elated and felt this is it at last!  But this feeling is gradually slipping away from me and I need your help because I'm loosing it right now.
The whole drama started when Andrew called and the he sounded on phone was weird,I was seriously concerned about what was wrong but all he told me was to loan him some money that he had to sort out some issues urgently but when he said how much he wanted,i was taken aback he asked for N100k,but I'm very industrious and prudent with my funds so that wasn't a problem and i had fallen over heel in Love with Andrew,so i put to flight every red flag in my head and just sent the money to him.
When we finally saw he couldn't really explain things to me ,he was being evasive,I had to let it go,then some other times it will be just N20k or N15k ...
But the last straw that broke the camel back happened when i went to visit Andrew unannounced  and just i was about pressing the bell i heard two people conversing and it was Andrew and another guy their conversation goes thus: PLEASE I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE I'M IN LOVE WITH JANE AND ITS KILLING ME TO KEEP ASKING FOR MONEY FOR US,YES THIS WAS OUR AGREEMENT BUT I CAN'T GO ON WITH IT ANY MORE PLEASE JUST LET IT GO! The other responded: THIS IS JUST NONSENSE I GOT YOU THIS JOB AND I CAN AS WELL END IF YOU CAN'T DELIVER ANY MORE!
I rushed in without knocking and low and behold the other guy is my elder brother!!! Please LOVE DOCTOR HELP ME! I'M GOING CRAZY! WHAT DO I DO?

Please lets help Lady Jane with our comments.

SOWING AND REAPING!

That is still happening till date: When you find more useless ladies around these days, it’s because there are more than enough useless men everywhere. Its interesting to find women that cheat these days, women that tell lies, women that are fraudulent, women that kill, women that steal etc, etc. If Men want wonderful women,well I guess they know what to do or START BECOMING! Men ARISE! Please Do Right!...I have more men complaining about ladies these days,and topping the list of complaints is LIES! And the fact that so many ladies out there can't be trusted...

My response to that is simple, observable, and quantifiable: Women have a high capacity to respond to men than react. When a man likes a football club, sooner than later, his girlfriend or wife begins to support the same club, when a man goes about borrowing money, and starts telling lies when it’s time to pay back, sooner than later after the wife has despised his life style for a while, she too will soon start borrowing money to pay back her husband’s debt which he couldn't pay, causing lots of embarrassments in the neighborhood, and then she will start telling lies to members of her family that she has borrowed money from when it’s time to pay back. When a guy is hardworking and motivating, sooner than later, you will soon start hearing people talk about how his wife has come of age and has stepped up in many areas of her life, and she will always say “It’s because I met a man who made me realize I can be more and everything I want to be in my life”. If you find a man cheating and catching curses, and setbacks etc in life, you will soon have a wife who is latched onto the Social Media looking for ex-boyfriends with the intention of opening up her legs for whosoever desireth to come in and face Death Penalty spiritually (and if you don’t believe me, go and read the book of PROVERBS in the Bible on sleeping with another man’s wife).

Do you know that when God was talking to Adam about not eating the fruit of the Knowledge of good and evil that the woman had not been created then? Check Genesis 2 to confirm.

Do you know that when the serpent tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden that her husband Adam was with her, and had the right instructions given to him by God about the Tree and the whole Garden, yet he couldn't be bothered to protect his wife? Eve failed, but that was because the man Adam had long failed before she did by not taking the word of God seriously.

FOR COUNSELING AND HELP WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP or TO SPEAK AT YOUR CHURCH PROGRAMS OR SCHOOL PLEASE CALL 0802 3810 372 OR FOLLOW ON TWITTER @danielakpata

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP:What it takes.

Relationships. Ah, yes. They are drenched in both the good, the bad, the ugly, and everywhere in between. Anyone can attest to that. Many can also agree that relationships are undeniably complex, require the utmost dedication and can either make, or literally break, the individuals involved. Especially if an air of likeness is not present for both to share, a falling through is most likely bound to happen. How is it you can stop this? Well, not being able to control a relationship entirely -no matter how wishful or ideal we may think- there is really only a way to prolong and keep a relationship active, to keep it healthy. But, know that the way to maintain a relationship and label it as "healthy" is truly no easy task. And this is only natural to expect as things worth loving and fighting for are never obtained and cared for without some sort of struggle, whether such relationship strife be intermittent or perpetual.

What Does It Take?

It takes a mutual understanding of each others' inner workings, thoughts and desires to keep a relationship going, to maintain that gained interconnected ebb and flow. Yet, it also takes action and a bit of work to satisfy these inner wants within each other. For acknowledging how your partner works, thinks and craves is hardly enough; it is recognizing what makes them happy and then going out of your way to do and provide items, gestures, emotions and expressions that keep them that way, even elevated further.

The Relationship Tie & Why We All Wear It

Around all of our necks is the relationship tie. We wear it, whether proud, disgusted or just flat out indifferent. But, regardless, we wear it. I stress the significance in the word "wear" here.

"Why do we wear it," you ask? Because we choose to, and need to. Think of it from the view of cohabitation, from the human perspective of social requirement and want for communication, particularly with a mate. Now, consider not wearing that relationship tie. Without it who are we - ourselves, alone, incomplete? Yes, yes and yes - somewhat. Now, this is not to say that without a relationship or that significant other that individuals less than themselves, are completely alone or only half in existence. Yet, it is implying that we are without someone else to love and confide in through a relationship perspective.

Filling In Gaps, Building Relationship Bridges

Relationships are vital to harnessing stable and fulfilling human existences. Relationships are popular, no doubt, but, not by demand - they are popular simply by necessity. We either have relationships now, had them in the past or currently want them because we're missing that connection with another. And in either span of time in which we're in the middle of a relationship it is because we need to have them. If not for support, reassurance and learning potential among a slew of other beneficial reasons, relationships are also just helpful in every aspect. Most notably, they assist us individuals to not only discover who we are but also who we are drawn and pulled toward.
It's also important to note that PRIOR PROPER PREPARATION PREVENTS POOR PERFORMANCE!

FOR COUNSELING AND HELP WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP or TO SPEAK AT YOUR CHURCH PROGRAMS OR SCHOOL PLEASE CALL 0802 3810 372 OR FOLLOW ON TWITTER @danielakpata