Building a HAPPY Home

To build a HAPPY home t here must be:

1.    Communication: Never communicate with anger, never withhold your feeling. Stay present focused and solution focused. Share your soft side of needs and wants to your partner. Always use these words, "When you… I feel… therefore…, I need… I want… I love… Kisses… You look… don’t forget it’s through communication you sort issues out. You must communicate for your spouse to understand you.

2.   Commitment: Give 100% effort toward your marriage: Don't take it for granted or abandon it. Your marriage is your first church, so your home MUST come first. Don’t ever be committed to other and your spouse doesn’t see commitment from and you will say, he understand am like that. Always Save the best of yourself for your spouse, not your friends or relationships. Don't compromise the boundaries of your relationship or devalue your spouse in your mind or in presence of others. Rather, remember and renew what you had when you first fell in love. 

3.   Listen to your spouse's inner experience and feelings: it’s very important to listen to your spouse, no matter how stupid what he says sounds, you will discover the real issue from there. Listen to their child part and ask what is not being said. Take what is right first before looking at the wrong side. Don’t forget your spouse knows more about you than anyone else in the world.

4.   Take time to maintain your marriage. Having a good marriage is a daily decision. Take time to work out problems and take time to have fun together. Talk with your spouse daily and go out together at least once a week. Spend less time on achieving and acquiring and more time on "playing together". 

5.   Accept and respect your spouse: Blame is counterproductive. What you hate in your spouse is usually what you hate in yourself or relates to some quality you find missing in yourself. Fights resolve when you are on the same side, the same team. Know your spouse's sensitivities and be gentle in those areas. Let your spouse "get away with" idiosyncrasies and imperfections most time because they will surely understand you are helping to correct them. 

6.   Act, don't react: Be in charge of your own behavior. Take time to think before you speak rather than saying the wrong thing. Ask yourself how you have contributed to your spouse negative or positive behaviour. Be ready to help your spouse change rather than to criticize them. Sometimes, we need to give and go an extra mile for our spouse. 

7.   Encourage your spouse positively: always tell your spouse there is a better tomorrow, especially when they fail after putting much effort to the work. Sometimes it’s may be as a result of not listening to your advice and everything turned out badly, that doesn’t mean you have to remind him of “I TOLD but you would not LISTEN now you see the RESULT”.  You don’t have to say it because they know it. There should be at least three "positives" for every criticism you will make. 

8.   Vulnerability. The sign of emotional scarring is the unwillingness to be vulnerable. The joy of intimacy is only found when vulnerable. Allowing your vulnerability can be strong, not weak, and is actually a more powerful stance when working out your Marriage. 

9.   Balance closeness and distance and personal qualities: Don't be one-sided which forces your spouse to "play out" the other side. "Own" your other side. Balance the power in your marriage. Without equal power and equal respect, working out your marriage will not get off the ground. Be there for your spouse no matter how busy you are.

10.                Sex: in some marriage sex is the bed rock of the marriage depending how it foundation was built.  You don’t have to deny your spouse sex all because you’re not in the mood or you’re weak or you’re feeling this and that… giving unreasonable excuses. Sex is sweet because God ordained it and approved it for married people. Pray and ask God to help you at that time to satisfy your spouse. Meanwhile this doesn’t mean you go asking for sex every minute because you’re jobless, you must sometimes consider your spouse’s feelings too.

11. Be a provider/Helpmate: as a man you must provide for your immediate family, because they are your first assignment on earth. Some people are comfortable giving to their extended family member but find it very hard to give to their wife and kids. You leave the woman to carter for you, your children and the home and you call yourself the head, shame on you. Be THE MAN (HEAD) AND A PROVIDER. As a Woman, you duty is to help your husband in areas he’s failing, he has provided but it’s not enough, this is where you come in, add to it if you have or manage the little if you don’t have, not you throwing the money back to him and rain causes on him for the little he’s able to provide, God will not be happy with you. BE A BUILDER AND A HELPMATE in every area.   

12.                Consider outside help. Most marriages can be saved if the problems are addressed soon enough. Sorting out marital problems can be difficult and may require expert intervention.

SO ARE YOU HAVING ISSUES IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND NEED SOME HELP? BOOK A SESSION WITH THE BLUNT CRAZY LOVE DOCTOR DANIEL AKPATA CALL NOW 08023810372 FOLLOW ON TWITTER @danielakpata OR send a mail to ikanadaniel@gmail.com

LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT.

WHY RELATIONSHIP: UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION