WHAT DO YOU THINK?

It was October that year. I was barely 27, earning some of the best salaries on earth. Glo just launched their network and I was privileged to be on the Creative team at Bates. We also just discovered the now famous PSQUARE through our Benson & Hedges Talent show. The MD called me for a chat and I didn't see it coming. Mr Onabolu's style. As- a -matter -of -fact- kind -of - talk. 

'I just saw your wedding invitation' he said 
'Yes Boss... and I hope I could make use of your car' I said
'That's not a problem or shouldn't be but...'
'But what on earth is the but?' I quipped 
'Why getting married at such a tender age?' he asked
'Like, why are you asking Sir? Anything the problem?'
'No issue my guy... just that you really don't have to get married. It's not everyone that should. You should enjoy your life. Travel. Study. And if it's to have children, you don't have to get married to have one, you know'

I stared at his reflection cast on his chinaware, avoiding a direct eye contact with him. I thought he was such an evil Mentor and I really hated him. Yea, I did. Marriage has been touted as the next best thing for any man or woman growing into their prime, and I though Mr Onabolu, of all people, should know better. 

The following week, I was waiting for the bride, getting ready to say 'I DO'. The music was loud. The families were happy to show off their dresses. The foods were plenty. There in Mr Onabolu's car, I thought about all he had said . Something inside of me knew he was right but my religious and traditional self would go all the way to please the families and the church. The church never forced me but our 'Singles and Married' programs had formed an opinion in me; that singles have got to get married to be honourable  Right there in the midst of the pomps and glitz , I did. Yea, I said it. 

It's been many years after, and I'm single again. She was a beautiful woman and I think I was a great man and we still are. My ex is still the most honourable woman I have ever met. Nothing absolutely was wrong with either of us.

However, I'd love to tell Mr Onabolu that he was right after all. Marriage is not for everyone. If you are in it and it's working for you, you'd better stay there because it's a beautiful thing. If you're not and you are planning to do so, you'd better check the motive. Are you getting married because everyone around you is? Are you doing it because it's a traditional thing to do? Are you well prepared to handle all that comes with it? And let me tell you one lie: it's not hard staying married. You shall live happily ever after. 

We now know better. Marriage is a good thing to do but it is definitely not for everyone. Oprah has been with Stedman Graham since 1986, and they are not married. Yet, they live happily ever after. Brad Pitt has been with Angelina Jolie for over 9 years and they are living happily ever after. In the same vein, there are married couples who have been together since forever and living happily ever after. It's high time we deconstructed the notion of getting married as husband and wife. Some women are better as your friends for life. Don't force marriage into it. Some men will always be there for you but marriage may damage the good thing going on between you both. I'd like to leave you with the words I once loathed. From a sincere boss to a traditional me. Here's what he said:

...you really don't have to get married to live. It's not everyone that should. You should enjoy your life. Travel. Study. Live. And if it's to have children, you don't have to get married to have one, you know'...

ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY? BOOK A SESSION WITH THE BLUNT CRAZY LOVE DOCTOR DANIEL AKPATA CALL NOW 08023810372 FOLLOW ON TWITTER @danielakpata


LOOK FORWARD TO DEC. 7TH RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT. WHY RELATIONSHIP:UNDERSTANDING WHY IT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK. A MIND-WASH SESSION.